The End

There comes a point and time in everyone's life that redefines who a person becomes. Milestones, markers, whatever you want to call it, they are all the same for the most part. These happenings can be conversations, catching the wrong train to work, missing your bus, running out of gas on the highway and flagging down someone for a lift. These markers can be planned, or unexpected. A baby, weddings, hell even one night stands (although I don't condone it). These markers can be people you meet, family, friends, unexpected best friends, lovers. The list is endless. But, within each and every distinctly different marker comes a time frame like I had mentioned earlier.

There are the beginnings. A short term job at Starbucks, maybe a temporary teaching job. Maybe you're working on a show or something. However it starts, it will be unexpected I promise you. And it will either fall two ways; the happiest seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months (you get the point) of your life, or either the worst part. It's a rush of blood to the head. Life is perfect, purposeful, and desirable. There's no other place you'd rather be. Then there is a point and time that it plateaus. 

I'd like to call that the body (for lack of a better word). The emotional high that lasts for however long it was planned to last. You may have control over it, you very may well have no control over it. Personally, I feel like most of the time you cannot control how long something lasts even though you'll want it to last or either end just as quickly as it started. Then comes the kick in the balls. The heart wrenching drop from the plateau. The ending.

Like I said, most times you have no control over it. However much you really want it to last, it does not matter. It hurts, believe me, it is the worst feeling in the world. You feel like you're dying or want to die. Like you're between a rock and a hard place, the air being snatched away from you as you get crushed. It isn't easy. And you may scar, but it's always for the better. It happened for a reason. Things always happen for a reason. You don't miss a train for nothing. You don't get fired for nothing. You don't get your heartbroken for nothing. God, or fate, or whatever you may believe in has something planned for you. Something better, even if you think what you have is as good as it's going to get. The end isn't really the end then, is it? 

I like to think of myself as a young person who has an old heart and old soul. I still learn everyday and experience new things everyday, but I like to think that I know what I want. I loved him. And I still do. But there's closure that comes in knowing that you need to bring it to the surface, talk about it, and really stop lying to yourself. Because in the end, if it isn't supposed to be then it won't be. No matter how much you want it to. Which sounds pessimistic but it is not supposed to be I promise you. It's a way of being able to move on and not live for something that won't be. Wasting away in grief and sadness because you may very well miss a chance you never knew was coming. Don't miss that chance.

A very special person to me told me that "Dreaming is never a bad thing. You just have to dream with one foot on the ground". And I feel like everyone should know that. Because, in the end, what will happen, will happen. Tears will happen, life will happen, love will happen. But you can't be hard or negative. I'm not saying to throw on a smile and fake happiness, because that will destroy you. If we weren't meant to feel sadness or grief, or pain, why would we know it? It's okay to cry. Just know when to let go of things you can't control. The pain and sadness will go away, I promise you.

Thanks for listening