"Firsts" are the bitch.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think “first” anything’s are the BIGGEST pain in my back. Literally. I’ve been sitting in bed for a good couple of hours looking back and forth to this sad empty laptop screen to the Food Network trying to figure out how to start this first blog. I was so desperate to look around Google for tips in starting blogs. Think about it though, the “firsts” are either really easy and catches quick (which has more probability of happening than being trampled by a small herd of sea turtles), or either more difficult than squeezing water out of a rock.

Every couple minutes I would have a terribly vulgar fight with my inner-metaphorical Debbie-Downer and a random African American church woman (who strangely takes on the likes of Tyler Perry’s Madea) at not even introducing myself to the stresses of blogging. It was a hot mess. But here I am.

So, in general, beginning is a pain in the ass. Think about it; first impressions suck. My Customer Services professor thoroughly beat the dead horse of the importance of a good first impression. After a week I wanted to find the nearest bridge and jump ship but she couldn’t have been more right. And after that week, I really respected her as a teacher and a person.

What about a first kiss? Truthfully, mine was in elementary school with a Venezuelan girl named Gabriella. Little-me had taste; she had an accent. But how awkward is a first kiss? You don’t know which way is right, your noses get in the way, and then it ends up being one of the most embarrassing moments of your life. That’s not from personal experience I swear. Do you even remember your first kiss? How completely awk was THAT?

And how about your first day at high school? Or college? Personally, I remember my first day at high school. I was with a friend walking down from the cafeteria and choral room when, here runs in between us, two guys dressed in football gear skipping merrily down the hallway are holding hands. I’m not talking goofy hand holding. I’m talking about hardcore, saucy, affectionate hand holding. I have no problem with it, truthfully, but it was a shock from the strictly anti-differentiating-from-the-norm middle school to the slightly more acceptable high school. Which as for being slightly more acceptable is not true WHATSOEVER. I didn’t figure that out until college. Everyone is okay with everybody at college (unless you say something that could potentially be interpreted wrongly and almost get shanked by a black man in an Intro to Business class). I’ll admit that the whole comment-taken-wrongly thing is slightly from experience. Let me tell you, having a MUCH bigger black man intimidate you from five rows forward would make any freshman in college want to shit themselves and melt into the chair. And cry for hours.

So, I think I can speak for everyone; general consensus is going to say that the “firsts” really suck. But what do you think? Whoever’s listening? How bad are the firsts?